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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Prayer For Ayah

My mom just came back from melbourne last saturday and i have been with her ever since at our kampung house. so heart breaking to see her crying everyday. i know how lost she is right now without her husband of 43 years. i miss him too but i brave myself not to cry in front of her. i don't want to add salt to her broken heart. it will be more painful.

luckily i am still in my holiday break. so she wont feel very lonely. tonight we will offer a prayer in the mark of 30th days he departed from us. the last prayers we did mom was not around. and she was determined to do the best for her husband this time.

and as for me, there is so much thing i need to do but i have to put it on hold. maybe i will start everything next week. life must goes on but and at this time i know my mom need us most. thats the only comfort i can offer her right be with her all the time. i dare not to think when the time comes when all of us have to leave her to continue with our job. maybe i ask her to stay with me, but knowing her i know she wont leave the house anymore.god please help her to go through this.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Life Goes On

It has been 2 weeks since my father had left us but not a single day passed without me thinking of him. there is a moment when i feel regret for not being able to be with him on his last breath but god knows better why. my mom also was not around..she's in Melbourne now and will only be back on 17th. i know she's desperately wanted to come home then but due to other technicalities, our family adviced her against it. anyway there is nothing much she can do. the funeral was smooth and fast. he left us around 7 am and by 2.00pm he was already buried.

just yesterday i got my admission letter to UKM. i wish i can share this proud moment with my father but i guess it was too late. the only thing in my mind right now is i must prepare to the challenges. when i did my masters it was challenging enough and i almost regretted it.but to think of it, life would be no fun if its dull and boring. i will register on 23th of December and my life as a student will begin. hmmm did i ever tell u that i'm doing it part time only? well i have a job.. so double work for me in 2011. Life must goes on and i want to make sure it's fun!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Saddest Day of My Life

if u noticed lately, i seldom online nowadays because i have to visit my sickly father. but now he has passed away peacefully leaving my family and me. he died around 7.00 am last sunday without giving us any indication that he will leave us forever.

Ayah, i know u cannot hear me anymore but still i want to tell the world that you are the best father and i don't want to change anything for that. as a daughter, i still feel not satisfied taking care of you like you taking care of me and adik-adik. without you around i feel lost. i miss you so much and i hope we will meet again someday in other world.

Ayah, i love you very very much. i know i never utter this word to you directly when you alive but i hope u know or feel the love from our action. i promise to think of you every single day without a miss. al fatehah and may you rest in peace.